The Adjournment Stage-Saying Good-Bye

Over the years I have been involved in different groups. Some have ended abruptly do to unresolved conflict or the splitting up of a group due to time constraints. However, there have been groups in which I have been involved that have come together, brainstormed, came up with a plan and implemented the plan. Though few have followed all the way through with the adjournment phase. I think this is a crucial piece that too often gets overlooked.

However, when I began thinking back to a time when a group in which I was involved made it through to the adjournment phase, I found it difficult to remember such a time. But, the more I thought about it (I was definitely over thinking it) I thought of our program. We develop teams often to look at different aspects of the program and utilize the strengths of our staff members on committees. About two years ago we were looking at changing the way we did our summer school age program. So we put together a committee which comprised our school age teachers, the director and myself. We met several times between January and the end of the school year to develop a plan for the summer months. This committee worked very well together, showing respect for each other’s ideas. We left our final meeting in a very upbeat, excited sense of accomplishment. As the summer went on we lost one of our lead teachers to the oil field (they pay much better). This was devastating to us as he was amazing with the kids. But, we chose not to let it get us down. We continued to meet bi-weekly throughout the summer taking notes on what worked well, what needed improvement and what needed to be scratched all together. Once we wrapped up for the summer and the kids headed back to school we met one final time to go over all our notes from the summer.  At the end of the final meeting we felt a sense of accomplishment and agreed we would all be on the committee for the following year. So though our committee came to an end for that particular year, we knew we’d come together again. So we really didn’t have to say “good-bye” to one another, but we did say “good-bye” to that particular committee and group dynamics.

I have also experienced groups where we had to say good-bye and it was more difficult. This would have been on a more personal note such as when I divorced my first husband. I left our marriage and our group of friends behind—as well as his family. This was very difficult as I had established some very good friendships with some of our friends and many of his family members. But, I moved on and formed new friendships. Since then some of our mutual friends have reached out via Facebook and have reestablished communication.

Though I have experienced very few groups who moved through the adjournment phase I would tend to believe that the high performing a group the harder it would be to say good-bye. I would also think that it will be a little bittersweet to say good-bye to our group of Master’s Degree colleagues. We all understand the dedication and work it takes to go through this program. We all have lives outside of school and have to find time every week to get assignments completed on time. I know I find it very difficult some weeks to squeeze everything in. We all share this understanding and I know we each respect the others for the time, effort and dedication it takes to go through this program. Though we will be saying good-bye, I am sure some will stay in contact with one another for support throughout our journeys in the early care and education field.

According to Gina Abudi (2010) adjourning is an essential stage of teamwork to ensure time to celebrate success of the project and capture the best practices for future use (or lessons learned). It is also a time for the team to have the opportunity to say good-bye to one another.

Abudi, G. (2010). The five stages of team development: A case study. Retrieved from http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html

 

Handling Conflict

The conflict that I was confronted with involved a parent, teacher and two children. I walked into work one morning and was told by a teacher that a parent wanted to speak with me about her child. I asked if the teacher knew what the parent needed and if someone else could help her. I was shocked to find out that the day before a little boy allegedly stuck his fingers in the panties of this parent’s daughter on the playground. I was just getting this information and the parent was due in at any moment. Needless to say I was unable to investigate before the parents arrived. To make matters even worse this parent is the county attorney who works with all child protective service cases in our county!

That same day I had a consultant in and had planned to spend my entire day with her. I reluctantly shared with the consultant what was going on and she agreed that it should be me who handled the situation.

The parents arrived and entered my office. I had known the mother for years as I am a CASA volunteer and work with her on my cases. However, we set that aside and I took her statement. I let her talk and did not interject with any feedback until she was finished. The father just sat in the chair visibly steaming. I shared with her that I had just learned about the situation as it happened the evening before and I had not had the opportunity to investigate at this point. I assured them I would begin my investigation immediately. They went on to tell me their daughter had had nightmares the night before and they just didn’t know what to do. They thought it might be best to just dis-enroll her and move her somewhere else—and if they decided that was the route they would take they would dis-enroll their son (a 3-yr old) as well. To me this was a blatant threat. I calmly let them know that I understood where they were coming from as a parent and I would support any decision they made. But, I would like to have the opportunity to investigate and proceed with a plan of action-- that we certainly didn’t want to see the children uprooted from a familiar place where they are receiving the quality of care and education that I knew the parents wanted for their children and to have them placed in an unfamiliar environment with no certainty that they would receive the same level of care. The mom had understandably been letting her emotions get the best of her in this situation (which she doesn’t do in the courtroom), and could not see that I was not the enemy—until I used active listening with her and let her know that I heard what she was saying.  I reminded the mother of my position with CASA, and the reason I have volunteered for CASA for so many years. I reminded her of why she does what she does for a living; and I reminded her that I would never knowingly allow something bad to happen to a child, nor would any of the staff in our program.

The parents wanted me to call them and tell her what the boy’s parent said once I had the opportunity to interview them. I assured them that this would not happen as it is confidential; and I would afford that set of parents the same respect have afforded them. But, I would indeed investigate and handle the situation in the best possible manner. They went on to tell me that they did not want anything to happen to the teacher who was on the playground, as they have known her for many years and they considered her a really good friend. They said this with a stern look and the movement of the head lowering as if to say, “do you understand that I am saying nothing is to happen to the teacher—or else”. I explained to the parents that we have policies and procedures and we follow these policies in every case to ensure that no one is treated unfairly (or receive preferential treatment).

I went on to let the parents know there would be an investigation and a report made to licensing, and if the investigation found negligence on the teacher’s behalf we would have to take action. Though the mother already knew that licensing would do their own investigation I felt I was obligated to inform them completely of the steps to be taken in the investigation. During our meeting we discussed our plan of action as far as their child was concerned. At the end of the meeting I had the parents sign our plan of action which were attached to the meeting notes.

We investigated the situation and found that teacher had walked past the slide and saw the two children sitting under it. She leaned down and asked them to come out from under the slide and it was at this time the little girl told her that the little boy had stuck his finger in her panties. The teacher did not see this take place. Instead of letting the director know that evening, she called the parents at home that night and told them what their daughter had said.

The mother (the county attorney) had contacted licensing herself to find out when they would investigate. So when licensing made their visit she was there and sat in on some of the investigation (to me this was unethical on the part of licensing). Nevertheless, licensing did not find negligence on the part of the center. We did however, write up the teacher for not reporting the incident to the director and for making a call directly to the parents from her home.

I used multiple strategies during this conflict and I believed they helped me resolve the conflict with dignity and respect.  One of the strategies that I used was the 3 R's.  I treated the parents with respect, we had a back and forth conversation without cutting one another off. I watched carefully for the parent’s non-verbal cues and approached my responses with careful consideration to their feelings, and I responded to them in a timely manner by clearing my schedule to meet their needs. 

Another strategy that I used was nonviolent communication.  Even when they were basically threatening me to not reprimand the teacher, which really infuriated me, I stayed calm—yet assured them that I would follow our company policy.

I felt then and still feel confident that we handled the situation well. I could have easily blown up at them when they were threatening me…… I could have taken offense to many of their words. But, I put myself in their shoes, how would I have felt if this happened to my daughter. I understood their emotions.

Communication Assessments

This week's assignment turned out to be quite interesting. I started out asking my husband and my director to each take the assessment. Surprisingly they both answered very similar to one another and very close to what I had answered. Does that mean they both see me as I see myself? So, I took it a step further and asked a couple of co-workers who don't know me quite as well and they each answered fairly different than the three of us had answered.

When I took the assessments I rated myself as Elevated in the Communication Anxiety Inventory. I know that I do not like to speak in public, however, in order to teach at the community college and to give presentations at conferences I MUST improve in this area and I am really working on it. I presented with my director for the first time last weekend at the Texas Licensed Child Care Association Conference and made it through somehow. I know I was a nervous wreck the entire time and don't even remember much about it. But, we did receive very positive reviews so that is a plus. My director is trying to get me to give the presentation again in March at the state conference in Houston, but I am very hesitant. My husband rated me as Moderate in this category and my director rated me as elevated....he knows how nervous I was three days before at the conference. The other co-workers each rated me at low in this category which is very interesting to me, because even at work with my colleagues I do not jump up and speak in front of the group much.

On the verbal aggressiveness scale everybody rated me at moderate, which states that I maintain a good balance between respect  and consideration for others' viewpoints, and the ability to argue fairly by attacking the facts of a position rather than the person holding the position. I believe this is a fair assessment of how I try to communicate when I am in disagreement. I know I am far from perfect here, but I definitely would not want to be attacked myself and therefore, I follow the Golden Rule (or Platinum Rule) and treat others the way I think they would want to be treated (as well as how I would want to be treated).

Again, on the Listening Styles Profile everybody rated me in Group 1, which states that my listening style is People-oriented. I definitely agree that I am empathetic and concerned with the emotions of others (sometimes to a fault-as my director pointed out). When I first began my journey in the early childhood field I was incredibly trusting and got taken advantage of on a daily basis....I now have five years behind me and have become much less trusting and tend to questions others' motives. I really don't like the feeling that I cannot trust people, but when you get burned over and over again by others you tend to toughen up a bit.

One of the insight I had was self-actualization-the feelings and thoughts you get when you know that you have negotiated a communication situation as well as you possibly could. After my presentation at the TLCCA and then my interactions at the Chamber of Commerce Banquet I felt a sense of accomplishment. Though I was incredibly nervous throughout the presentation I managed to get through it and that is extremely huge for me. I feel much better about it now, a week later, and my self-esteem has risen a notch. Am I ready to run out and give another presentation tomorrow? Probably not, but by pushing myself outside my comfort zone and receiving positive feedback I am inching my way toward feeling more competent in my ability to communicate effectively.