Handling Conflict

The conflict that I was confronted with involved a parent, teacher and two children. I walked into work one morning and was told by a teacher that a parent wanted to speak with me about her child. I asked if the teacher knew what the parent needed and if someone else could help her. I was shocked to find out that the day before a little boy allegedly stuck his fingers in the panties of this parent’s daughter on the playground. I was just getting this information and the parent was due in at any moment. Needless to say I was unable to investigate before the parents arrived. To make matters even worse this parent is the county attorney who works with all child protective service cases in our county!

That same day I had a consultant in and had planned to spend my entire day with her. I reluctantly shared with the consultant what was going on and she agreed that it should be me who handled the situation.

The parents arrived and entered my office. I had known the mother for years as I am a CASA volunteer and work with her on my cases. However, we set that aside and I took her statement. I let her talk and did not interject with any feedback until she was finished. The father just sat in the chair visibly steaming. I shared with her that I had just learned about the situation as it happened the evening before and I had not had the opportunity to investigate at this point. I assured them I would begin my investigation immediately. They went on to tell me their daughter had had nightmares the night before and they just didn’t know what to do. They thought it might be best to just dis-enroll her and move her somewhere else—and if they decided that was the route they would take they would dis-enroll their son (a 3-yr old) as well. To me this was a blatant threat. I calmly let them know that I understood where they were coming from as a parent and I would support any decision they made. But, I would like to have the opportunity to investigate and proceed with a plan of action-- that we certainly didn’t want to see the children uprooted from a familiar place where they are receiving the quality of care and education that I knew the parents wanted for their children and to have them placed in an unfamiliar environment with no certainty that they would receive the same level of care. The mom had understandably been letting her emotions get the best of her in this situation (which she doesn’t do in the courtroom), and could not see that I was not the enemy—until I used active listening with her and let her know that I heard what she was saying.  I reminded the mother of my position with CASA, and the reason I have volunteered for CASA for so many years. I reminded her of why she does what she does for a living; and I reminded her that I would never knowingly allow something bad to happen to a child, nor would any of the staff in our program.

The parents wanted me to call them and tell her what the boy’s parent said once I had the opportunity to interview them. I assured them that this would not happen as it is confidential; and I would afford that set of parents the same respect have afforded them. But, I would indeed investigate and handle the situation in the best possible manner. They went on to tell me that they did not want anything to happen to the teacher who was on the playground, as they have known her for many years and they considered her a really good friend. They said this with a stern look and the movement of the head lowering as if to say, “do you understand that I am saying nothing is to happen to the teacher—or else”. I explained to the parents that we have policies and procedures and we follow these policies in every case to ensure that no one is treated unfairly (or receive preferential treatment).

I went on to let the parents know there would be an investigation and a report made to licensing, and if the investigation found negligence on the teacher’s behalf we would have to take action. Though the mother already knew that licensing would do their own investigation I felt I was obligated to inform them completely of the steps to be taken in the investigation. During our meeting we discussed our plan of action as far as their child was concerned. At the end of the meeting I had the parents sign our plan of action which were attached to the meeting notes.

We investigated the situation and found that teacher had walked past the slide and saw the two children sitting under it. She leaned down and asked them to come out from under the slide and it was at this time the little girl told her that the little boy had stuck his finger in her panties. The teacher did not see this take place. Instead of letting the director know that evening, she called the parents at home that night and told them what their daughter had said.

The mother (the county attorney) had contacted licensing herself to find out when they would investigate. So when licensing made their visit she was there and sat in on some of the investigation (to me this was unethical on the part of licensing). Nevertheless, licensing did not find negligence on the part of the center. We did however, write up the teacher for not reporting the incident to the director and for making a call directly to the parents from her home.

I used multiple strategies during this conflict and I believed they helped me resolve the conflict with dignity and respect.  One of the strategies that I used was the 3 R's.  I treated the parents with respect, we had a back and forth conversation without cutting one another off. I watched carefully for the parent’s non-verbal cues and approached my responses with careful consideration to their feelings, and I responded to them in a timely manner by clearing my schedule to meet their needs. 

Another strategy that I used was nonviolent communication.  Even when they were basically threatening me to not reprimand the teacher, which really infuriated me, I stayed calm—yet assured them that I would follow our company policy.

I felt then and still feel confident that we handled the situation well. I could have easily blown up at them when they were threatening me…… I could have taken offense to many of their words. But, I put myself in their shoes, how would I have felt if this happened to my daughter. I understood their emotions.