Handling Conflict

The conflict that I was confronted with involved a parent, teacher and two children. I walked into work one morning and was told by a teacher that a parent wanted to speak with me about her child. I asked if the teacher knew what the parent needed and if someone else could help her. I was shocked to find out that the day before a little boy allegedly stuck his fingers in the panties of this parent’s daughter on the playground. I was just getting this information and the parent was due in at any moment. Needless to say I was unable to investigate before the parents arrived. To make matters even worse this parent is the county attorney who works with all child protective service cases in our county!

That same day I had a consultant in and had planned to spend my entire day with her. I reluctantly shared with the consultant what was going on and she agreed that it should be me who handled the situation.

The parents arrived and entered my office. I had known the mother for years as I am a CASA volunteer and work with her on my cases. However, we set that aside and I took her statement. I let her talk and did not interject with any feedback until she was finished. The father just sat in the chair visibly steaming. I shared with her that I had just learned about the situation as it happened the evening before and I had not had the opportunity to investigate at this point. I assured them I would begin my investigation immediately. They went on to tell me their daughter had had nightmares the night before and they just didn’t know what to do. They thought it might be best to just dis-enroll her and move her somewhere else—and if they decided that was the route they would take they would dis-enroll their son (a 3-yr old) as well. To me this was a blatant threat. I calmly let them know that I understood where they were coming from as a parent and I would support any decision they made. But, I would like to have the opportunity to investigate and proceed with a plan of action-- that we certainly didn’t want to see the children uprooted from a familiar place where they are receiving the quality of care and education that I knew the parents wanted for their children and to have them placed in an unfamiliar environment with no certainty that they would receive the same level of care. The mom had understandably been letting her emotions get the best of her in this situation (which she doesn’t do in the courtroom), and could not see that I was not the enemy—until I used active listening with her and let her know that I heard what she was saying.  I reminded the mother of my position with CASA, and the reason I have volunteered for CASA for so many years. I reminded her of why she does what she does for a living; and I reminded her that I would never knowingly allow something bad to happen to a child, nor would any of the staff in our program.

The parents wanted me to call them and tell her what the boy’s parent said once I had the opportunity to interview them. I assured them that this would not happen as it is confidential; and I would afford that set of parents the same respect have afforded them. But, I would indeed investigate and handle the situation in the best possible manner. They went on to tell me that they did not want anything to happen to the teacher who was on the playground, as they have known her for many years and they considered her a really good friend. They said this with a stern look and the movement of the head lowering as if to say, “do you understand that I am saying nothing is to happen to the teacher—or else”. I explained to the parents that we have policies and procedures and we follow these policies in every case to ensure that no one is treated unfairly (or receive preferential treatment).

I went on to let the parents know there would be an investigation and a report made to licensing, and if the investigation found negligence on the teacher’s behalf we would have to take action. Though the mother already knew that licensing would do their own investigation I felt I was obligated to inform them completely of the steps to be taken in the investigation. During our meeting we discussed our plan of action as far as their child was concerned. At the end of the meeting I had the parents sign our plan of action which were attached to the meeting notes.

We investigated the situation and found that teacher had walked past the slide and saw the two children sitting under it. She leaned down and asked them to come out from under the slide and it was at this time the little girl told her that the little boy had stuck his finger in her panties. The teacher did not see this take place. Instead of letting the director know that evening, she called the parents at home that night and told them what their daughter had said.

The mother (the county attorney) had contacted licensing herself to find out when they would investigate. So when licensing made their visit she was there and sat in on some of the investigation (to me this was unethical on the part of licensing). Nevertheless, licensing did not find negligence on the part of the center. We did however, write up the teacher for not reporting the incident to the director and for making a call directly to the parents from her home.

I used multiple strategies during this conflict and I believed they helped me resolve the conflict with dignity and respect.  One of the strategies that I used was the 3 R's.  I treated the parents with respect, we had a back and forth conversation without cutting one another off. I watched carefully for the parent’s non-verbal cues and approached my responses with careful consideration to their feelings, and I responded to them in a timely manner by clearing my schedule to meet their needs. 

Another strategy that I used was nonviolent communication.  Even when they were basically threatening me to not reprimand the teacher, which really infuriated me, I stayed calm—yet assured them that I would follow our company policy.

I felt then and still feel confident that we handled the situation well. I could have easily blown up at them when they were threatening me…… I could have taken offense to many of their words. But, I put myself in their shoes, how would I have felt if this happened to my daughter. I understood their emotions.

Communication Assessments

This week's assignment turned out to be quite interesting. I started out asking my husband and my director to each take the assessment. Surprisingly they both answered very similar to one another and very close to what I had answered. Does that mean they both see me as I see myself? So, I took it a step further and asked a couple of co-workers who don't know me quite as well and they each answered fairly different than the three of us had answered.

When I took the assessments I rated myself as Elevated in the Communication Anxiety Inventory. I know that I do not like to speak in public, however, in order to teach at the community college and to give presentations at conferences I MUST improve in this area and I am really working on it. I presented with my director for the first time last weekend at the Texas Licensed Child Care Association Conference and made it through somehow. I know I was a nervous wreck the entire time and don't even remember much about it. But, we did receive very positive reviews so that is a plus. My director is trying to get me to give the presentation again in March at the state conference in Houston, but I am very hesitant. My husband rated me as Moderate in this category and my director rated me as elevated....he knows how nervous I was three days before at the conference. The other co-workers each rated me at low in this category which is very interesting to me, because even at work with my colleagues I do not jump up and speak in front of the group much.

On the verbal aggressiveness scale everybody rated me at moderate, which states that I maintain a good balance between respect  and consideration for others' viewpoints, and the ability to argue fairly by attacking the facts of a position rather than the person holding the position. I believe this is a fair assessment of how I try to communicate when I am in disagreement. I know I am far from perfect here, but I definitely would not want to be attacked myself and therefore, I follow the Golden Rule (or Platinum Rule) and treat others the way I think they would want to be treated (as well as how I would want to be treated).

Again, on the Listening Styles Profile everybody rated me in Group 1, which states that my listening style is People-oriented. I definitely agree that I am empathetic and concerned with the emotions of others (sometimes to a fault-as my director pointed out). When I first began my journey in the early childhood field I was incredibly trusting and got taken advantage of on a daily basis....I now have five years behind me and have become much less trusting and tend to questions others' motives. I really don't like the feeling that I cannot trust people, but when you get burned over and over again by others you tend to toughen up a bit.

One of the insight I had was self-actualization-the feelings and thoughts you get when you know that you have negotiated a communication situation as well as you possibly could. After my presentation at the TLCCA and then my interactions at the Chamber of Commerce Banquet I felt a sense of accomplishment. Though I was incredibly nervous throughout the presentation I managed to get through it and that is extremely huge for me. I feel much better about it now, a week later, and my self-esteem has risen a notch. Am I ready to run out and give another presentation tomorrow? Probably not, but by pushing myself outside my comfort zone and receiving positive feedback I am inching my way toward feeling more competent in my ability to communicate effectively.

Communicating Differently

Communication is such an interesting topic, yet it is not one I have thought much about—until this class. There are so many forms of communication, yet most people tend to think about the words that are spoken, but don’t think much about body language and other forms of non-verbal communication. I definitely communicate differently with different people—at different times. For instance, I may communicate with my colleagues at work in a professional, no nonsense way when we are at work, but become more relaxed and less “formal” when we are away from work. I don’t communicate with my younger children (11, 8, 8) the same way I communicate with my older children (28, 26, 22). When I am at work, I use a professional communication style with everyone I come in contact. However, when I am with my husband or other family members I use a more casual, laid back communication style. 

When I am speaking with a friend from Honduras I sometimes catch myself enunciating my words a little better. However, when my husband speaks to him he slows his words way down, raises his voice (as if he’s deaf), and uses choppy sentences and lots of gestures.

Three strategies I can use to help me communicate more effectively are to actively listen.  I can keep from forming my response prematurely by actively listening to the speaker. I think too often we focus on how we will respond to what the speaker is saying before he or she finishes their sentence and often miss valuable information and cues. Applying the Platinum rule is a great strategy for communicating effectively. By taking the time to think about how the person would want to be treated, I can take my own feelings and emotions out of the conversation and focus on the needs of the other person. I will definitely pay more attention to what my body language and other non-verbal communication is saying, and try to ensure that my verbal and non-verbal communication match.

Observing Without Sound

This week's blog assignment was very fun and interesting--even if my husband and children did think I had lost my mind by sitting in the living room staring at the television with no sound.

I found a sitcom that I had not seen in the past--The Hart of Dixie. In the opening scene a young woman is sitting at a table in a restaurant with dark shades and looked like she was asleep. I assumed she was most likely hung over. An attractive server walked over and she jumped, they exchanged some words and I could tell by the look on her face that she was not interested in him, however, his body language and facial expressions totally gave away his infatuation with her.

A few minutes later a young girl walks into an office where an older man was having a conversation with a woman. Judging by her face and the way she twirled around I made the assumption that she had purchased a new dress and was showing it off, with this assumption, I made another assumption--that the older man must be her father. A moment later another young lady bursts through the door and looks incredibly angry. She tugs at the dress and makes some hand gestures. I assume this must be the girl's older sister and the younger sister had gotten into her closet and taken one of her clothes. The younger girl gets an angry look on her face, stomps her foot and turns and runs out the door.

The camera pans into an adjoining room where we find the girl from the restaurant sitting in a chair looking at a magazine. The older man walks over and they have a conversation, she rolls her eyes a couple of times and makes a couple of gestures and grabs a piece of paper from the man. I was uncertain as to what the conversation could have been about, but got the impression she was not happy about whatever was on the paper.

The next scene she arrives at the home of another man who is preparing what looks like Martini's or Margaritas. The man has a smile on his face as they are talking, however, he doesn't seem to be willing to do what the girl is asking. The server from earlier in the day walks through the door and the first man makes a face and gestures with his eyes as if to say, "No, don't say anything". The girl grabs a set of keys and leaves.

Next, I see her driving down a dark, country road. It looks like she is having difficulties with her GPS,  when she looks up she sees a man in the middle of the road. She stops the car and jumps out, but doesn't seem to be able to find the man. She enters into a restaurant and is talking to a woman and a man when the camera pans to the wall and the look on her face is one of surprise as she points out a picture of a man on the wall--the picture is on "the wall the town's dead heroes".

As the show goes on I see the "dead man" make his presence around her several times. But, no one else seems to see the "dead man". Also, at one point a couple of teenagers bring another passed out teenager to the home of the girl. The next scene shows her in an office building with the girl who was angry earlier in the day. I interpreted that encounter as her caring for the drunk girl and the angry girl coming to see what happened. However, the look on the angry girl's face was not one of gratitude.
Toward the end of the show, Zoe finds the man in the woods and he has a huge wound in his leg. She doctors the wound and has a relaxed conversation with the man, however I cannot decipher what they are talking about.

When I watched the show with sound I realized that the girl (Zoe) was not drunk at the restaurant, she just had not been getting sleep and was extremely tired. I was correct in my assumption that the server was smitten with Zoe and that Zoe had no love interest in him whatsoever, she viewed him as an annoying nuisance.

I was also correct in my assumption about the man in the office being the girl's (Magnolia) father and her showing him her new dress, however, the dress did not belong to the older sister (Lemon), as I had assumed without sound. Lemon disapproved of how much skin showed in the dress and she was letting her dissatisfaction be known. The father (Brick) sided with Lemon, which made Magnolia very angry and she stomped her foot and ran out of the building.

Turns out Zoe Hart is a doctor (as is Brick), Brick had promised another doctor to look after a patient who was about to deliver a baby-but the patient was not dilating fast enough for Brick's satisfaction as he wanted to be at a football game. He was preparing to induce labor to be more favorable for his schedule. Zoe was not going to have Brick inducing labor if it was not medically necessary so she agreed to take care of the patient--which is what Brick was hoping for as he handed her the address. Zoe's body language and her eye rolling made me assume she was not happy with Brick when the show was silent. However, with the sound on I was able to confirm that she was not happy with him and did not agree at all with his decision to induce labor just to conform to his personal schedule.

When she was at the other man's house she was asking for a ride to the home of the pregnant woman, but was told by the man that he had something important he needed to do, but she could borrow his car, at which time the server walked through the door with a couple six packs of beer--asking Zoe if she was there to watch the woman's volleyball game. I was correct about the other man shaking his head and making eye gestures as if to say, "Shhhh, don't say anything!! I was also correct about her having issues with GPS and seeing a man, but not being able to find him. Back at the restaurant she is told that the man had died about a year ago and that she had to have seen a ghost. He pops up from time-to-time and only Zoe sees him.

When the teenagers arrived at the house it was obvious the girl was passed out. What I was able to discern with sound is that the girl was Magnolia and she had drank too much fruit punch with vodka. Zoe takes her to the doctor office and calls Lemon. Lemon comes in and though she does thank Zoe for taking care of her sister, she is not happy to be in the position where she is being thankful to Zoe.....there seems to be some tension between the two, however I was never able to figure out what the root of their problem may be.

As the show progresses I learn that Lemon and Magnolia's mom had left many years ago and Lemon had stepped into the mother role, but she was about to get married and move away from the family home. Apparently, this was affecting Magnolia negatively-this is not something I picked up with the sound turned off.
To my surprise I learned that the man Zoe thought she hit had faked his own death after saving someone from a burning building. I learned the reason he had faked his death was because he wanted his family (his son especially) to be proud of him, because prior to him saving a person's life he had been the town drunk and made a lot of bad choices. He felt if others thought he died while saving a person's life then he would be a hero and his family could be proud.

I feel like I did a fairly good job at reading people's body language and other forms of non-verbal communication.

By doing this assignment I realized it is important to pay attention to not only the words people speak, but also pay attention to non-verbal communication and cues as well. By doing this a person is able to communicate effectively.

Communication

This may not be the type of communicator Dr. Parrish is asking us to discuss, however, I felt the communicator was extremely effective and he was the first that came to my mind.

The text tells us that one of the most important functions of communication is the ability to influence people. I attended a luncheon earlier this week where Mike Ditka was supposed to deliver the keynote address. However, due to weather he was unable to attend the event. At the last minute, Texas Representative Scott Turner was asked to stand in for Mr. Ditka. Representative Turner took the stage and proceeded to captivate the audience with a story about his life as a young man. Mr. Turner took the stage and was poised, well spoken and connected to his audience.
He looked around the room--not focusing on just one area of the audience. He effectively used hand gestures to emphasize his speech. He smiled a lot and laughed at himself. He connected to the audience by discussing the NFL, his mama and a good work ethic. Mr. Turner was humble, yet direct. He called the audience to action--told them they need not be complacent but instead be vocal and active in order to make a difference.

I have added a link to this blog so anyone interested in viewing the speech can do so.

http://youtu.be/5q7gXITSSCU

I will add the communication skills of a personal friend:

When I think of someone I know personally who has good communication skills I also think of a very good friend of mine (Pam Masters) who works for a non-profit organization. She is one who will look you in the eye when she talks to you. She does not get emotionally charged, even when an issue completely infuriates her. She has a quiet voice, yet has the ability to get her message across to any audience whether it be one-on-one, a small group or speaking to an audience of thousands. She is not one to talk over another person, she allows the back-and-forth exchange in conversations. She does not get distracted by things going on around her when she is in a conversation-nor will she stop you mid-sentence to answer a phone call or a text message. Most of all Pam is a great listener who is genuinely interested in what others have to say.

I would like to have the ability to not let emotions come to the surface when I am in a conversation, and to not allow outside distractions distract me from conversations. It irritates me when I am speaking with someone and they are looking around at everything going on in the room. I try very hard not to let these things catch my attention and distract me when I am talking with someone, but have found myself doing exactly what irritates me!!

Professional Hope and Goals

I have truly enjoyed this class!! I have learned many things about myself that I had not fully understood before taking this class.  I have learned about microaggression and how people unintentionally marginalize others. As well as how those who are privileged oftentimes do not realize they are privileged. I know that equity work does not happen overnight and if you do not have support you could easily burnout. I understand how my bias can affect my work with children and their families.

When I think about working with children and families from diverse backgrounds my hope is to share the knowledge I have learned with others so that we can effectively serve each family in a way that makes them feel welcomed and valued. I want them to be able to freely share their experiences in an accepting, non-threatening environment.

 One of my goals for the early childhood field is that teachers embrace diversity. I would like to see more training offered so that every teacher could become more aware and begin to practice equity work in the classroom. Once armed with the knowledge I am certain teachers and administrators would embrace diversity in their programs.

 To my colleagues, I wish you the best of success in your future work with children and families.  I would also like to thank you all for your words of encouragement, wisdom, and respect during this class.  I have learned so much from each of you this semester. This has been a great experience.

 

Welcoming Families From Around the World

 

 

In my scenario I am working in a child care center and the family’s country of origin is Switzerland.

The five ways I will prepare myself to be culturally responsive toward this family are:

1.       Research the language or languages spoken in Switzerland and try to learn a few conversational phrases. If I was able to find someone who spoke the language I would ask them to join me in welcoming the family to our center.

2.       I would also want to research their education system and talk with the family about their previous experience in a child care setting and what their hopes are for their child’s experience.

3.       I would research the culture of Switzerland and be certain I can bring their culture alive in our center prior to their arrival.

4.       Family relationships are an important aspect of culture. I would want to learn more about family structure and relationships in Switzerland to help us understand the family better.

5.       I would reflect on any biases I might have that would affect my relationship with this family. If I found that I did indeed have biases I would find ways to overcome those biases.

 

I believe that by trying to have a deeper understand of a family’s culture will help us to understand the family and child much better. Being able to communicate with the family is a crucial element in building a relationship with each family. This is vitally important in learning about their goals, values and principles—which will help us to better serve their family. By taking the time to learn about the culture of their country and integrating their culture into our center will help the family become more comfortable and help them to see we truly want to serve their child and family the best way we possibly can.